Bionicle: Mask of Termites!
by Kitanga
Summary: Ever wondered what it would be like to rewrite MOL with an idiotic cast? Well you can find out here! [Parody, no slash.]
1. Chapter 1

**Bionicle: Mask of Termites!**

By Kitanga

Author's Note: Hey all! This is a parody (and hopefully) humorous version of _Bionicle: Mask of Light_. Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: Hmm…let's see…E equals I-don't-own-anything. Happy?

* * *

**The Very First Chapter! A.K.A., The Prologue:**

In the time before time, yadda yadda, blah blah blah, okay, let's get on with the story!

"Takua!"

The hip-hot (snigger) castle/fortress/thingy, was alight with loud rap music and Matoran dancing around like hippies and the fun and music was broken by the first line that was supposed to start the story. Everyone pouted and left in slow motion with matoran tripping and falling to the ground everywhere dramatically. After about, say, ten hours, all the extras got off the scene and the director pointed at Jaller, who was by now sunbathing while drinking lemonade and reading a comic book.

"Ahem," coughed the director, tapping his foot impatiently. The Captain of the Guards looked up.

"Oh, sorry. Are we re-shooting scene one?" he asked, evidently baffled. The director glared at him.

"No!"

"Oh!" Jaller blinked. Then he got up and stretched. "Well, then, it's time for me to leave. I have a "_How to be a Captain of the Guards while impressing a secret girlfriend_" lesson soon." He threw away the lemonade and tucked the comic book under his arm. Then he noticed everyone staring (and in the director's case, glaring) at him. He raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

The only response he got was the director bonking his head on a nearby wall.

When the film crew _finally_ got everything under-way, the director was evidently pissed. Now let's see… ah! Here we are! Jaller raced down the steep steps as the script stated and immediately tripped and landed face-first on one of the steps… which was _not_ part of the script. Glaring accusingly at the stairs as if it was their fault, he got up and brushed off the glitter dust left over from the party last night, trying to regain some of his dignity. With that done, he took a mighty step forward…only to trip and land on his face again. 

So he got up, and took another brave try. And another. And another. And yet another ten tries. Add another two dozen attempts to that and you have the approximate amount of times Jaller tried… and failed. He tumbled all the way down the steps, always falling on his face. Finally, at the base of the staircase, he got up again, _this_ time, managing to stay on his feet.

"Frell," he muttered and brushed himself off again. With that, he stalked off, muttering curses and other bad things that little kiddies should not hear. _Finally_, he arrived at a wide lava river and the _extremely_ pretty and colourful thousand-foot Lava Falls. He honestly had _no_ idea _why_ it was called that. He couldn't see a single foot in the fall, let alone a thousand. Did I mention that most characters here in this story are stupid? No? Well, I just did.

And _there_ was Takua! Hopping from rock to rock on the lava while singing ridiculously off-key! Jaller stared in horror as Takua burst into one of his favourite songs. Takua's favourite, not his.

"The hillllllllsssssss are aliiiive with the soooouuuuunnnnddd of MUUUSICCC!!!"

Bursting into tears, the ever-so-strong Captain of the Guards dropped to his knees and begged for mercy. Just then, Takua stopped singing as he noticed the bawling Jaller.

"Oh! Uh, hey Jaller!" he chirped nervously. The Captain glared at him as he got up slowly, the falling-down-the-stairs scene still fresh in his mind.

"What, exactly, are you doing down _here_ Takua? And _why_ are you hopping across lava?" The latter rolled his eyes as he answered back.

"Well, gee, I don't know, maybe to get to the other side?"

"We have a _Kolhii-match_, remember?"

Takua _didn't_ remember (as usual) but he ignored him and continued on hopping and humming… off-key again… as usual… when he finally reached the other side, he jumped onto the bank and immediately fell on his face. Jaller burst out laughing. Takua glared back at him in return as he struggled to get up.

Then he stepped on an invisible button on the floor which activated a series of fake rumblings which set off some alarms which sent the two matoran flailing around helplessly…and falling to the ground yet _again_. Gee, this is becoming a habit of theirs, isn't it?

In the end, Takua ended up looking at the lava when _POOF_! A Great Mask popped up out of the lava!

"Whoa! Jaller, look!" Jaller did so and suddenly shrieked and ran around in circles squealing like a little girl. Takua shook his head sadly.

"He was such a great friend."

Jaller immediately snapped to attention and looked around wildly.

"Who? Who was?" Takua rolled his eyes and reached out to grab the mask…thing…object…as soon as he had it in his hands, thousands of small things swarmed out of the mask. They started biting the Chronicler's hands.

"Ouch! Ooch! Eek! Ack! Ow! Stop it! Please! Termites!" Then there was another rumble. Everyone froze (even the termites). Then a great wall of lava appeared at the other end of the tunnel. Panicking, Takua threw the Mask of Termites across the river…where it bonked Jaller's head.

"Owie-wowie-zowie!" yelled the Captain, clutching his head in pain. "What the heck was _that_ for?!" he glared at the sheepish matoran. "I HATE YOU!" Tears began to form in the Chronicler's eyes.

"Y-you mean-" Takua sniffed. "That you don't like me anymore?" he asked meekly.

"YES!"

Takua immediately jumped up, grinning idiotically.

"GREAT! It's settled then!" He shouted cheerfully. "Here I come to save the day - wait a minute, how do I get across?"

In all the commotion, none of them had noticed that the stones had sunken under the lava. Jaller grinned cheezily.

"When in doubt, you know what to do!" he said, somewhat too cheerfully. Takua looked at him quizzically.

"Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming! Swimming, swimming, what do we do? We swim-"

"ARGH! NOW'S NOT THE TIME, JALLER!" Jaller huffed.

"Oh, fine. Be that way!" he snapped angrily.

"Good!"

Then, in another one of his acts of stupidity, Takua took a running start and tried to jump across the river… and promptly failed.

"HELPMEIAMMELTING!" he shrieked as he fell down, down, down towards the lava. Then, with a magical _whoosh_! Toa Nuva Tahu came and saved the day! Without a warning, the hot-headed Toa we know as Tahu flung the Chronicler onto his back…_big_ mistake. Immediately, the matoran circled his arms around the Toa's neck and held on…hard.

Tahu immediately started choking.

"Let-go-Takua-" he rasped. Noticing what he was doing, Takua reddened (which clashed _terribly_ with his magnificent blue mask, of course) and released his grip… a bit. Tahu sighed.

"_That's_ better," muttered the Toa. He immediately regretted those words. Eyes widening at the sight in front of him, he immediately started yelling.

"Oh NOOO!!! Anything but that!" For lo and behold! They were heading in the direction of the falls! Takua squeaked.

"Reverse! Reverse! Go backwards!" He jumped down behind Tahu's feet on the board, grabbed a random piece of rock and started pedaling like mad. But to no avail. With a loud shout, they shot off of the lava and into the air!

"OH, CRUD!!!"

Author's Note: HAH! Never thought you'd see this story again, eh? I certainly thought so. Until I found it… in my brother's USB!

In relation to the topic at hand, was this slightly revised version all right? Let me know what you think, and I'll post the second chapter. And also the uh… third (I think) of TOD. I posted this instead of that because this one was all ready… ready. Yeah, so _adieu_ for now!


	2. Chapter 2

**Bionicle: Mask of Termites!**

Author's Note: I LIVE! (_Ahem_) Here's the next insane and maniacal (hopefully) chapter! Enjoy! Oh, and I'll write the chapters whenever inspiration strikes me like lightning. So this is kinda like a side dish thing.

Disclaimer: Me? Own the great piece of ingenious ideas called Bionicle? I think not! You've been spending too much time with Takua and Jaller, my dear friends.

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**Chapter…2000? That **_**can't**_** be right…:**

Now, when we last met Jaller…he was watching Tahu and Takua! 

When we last met Tahu and Takua…they were jumping off the Lava Falls!

When we last met Norik… wait a minute, we haven't met Norik yet!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Both Tahu and Takua were screaming like wee little girlies while clutching at each other, terrified.

'_Mata Nui! What do I do?'_ thought Tahu. All of a sudden, a wise old voice spoke to him out of no-where.

'_Use the Force, Tahu!'_ Needless to say, poor ol' Tahu was very befuddled. But, he listened to the wise, old voice anyway, being one of the weak-minded people the hermit Ben was talking about. So he concentrated (what a shocker!) and all of a sudden, without any reason what-so-ever, he started slashing the cliff next to him with his twin Llama swords until _VOILA_!

The influenced Toa and the awed Matoran looked on at Tahu's handiwork in pride and, well… awe. For lo and behold! There was a large carving of… Darth Vader! Takua whistled a low, well… whistle. Suddenly, his eyes brightened.

"I wanna try, I wanna try!" he whined like a spoilt little brat, all the while trying to grab the Llama swords out of Tahu's hands. Reluctantly, the Toa handed them over to the ecstatic Matoran. Immediately, he started swing them about wildly, carving something rather… weird… on the cliff.

When he was done, the carving turned out to be…Daffy Duck! Nah. It was actually Tahu wearing a tutu! How embarrassing. Tahu stared in shock at the picture while Takua mused on his carving.

"Hmm…not bad, a bit of an over-sized noggin but not bad…" he said out loud while stroking his chin thoughtfully. Finally, Tahu snapped out of his trance. And boy, was he furious…but he wasn't fast…

"Hey! How dare you insult a mighty and noble Toa! It's an outrage! It's a scandal! I've held my reputation for so long and now you come along and ruin it!" he yelled. Takua just tutted and wagged a finger in front of his face nonchalantly.

"Tsk, tsk! Temper, temper, Tahu. It won't do to have a Toa rampaging around Ta-Koro, now, will it?"

Tahu just blinked in surprise. Since when did Takua become so wise?

"Anyway, I think it would be best if you pull off a heroic stunt, now," Takua said, inspecting his perfectly manicured fingernails (snicker). "I think we're about to hit the lava." Then the realization of what he just said sunk in. They looked at each other in horror.

Then Takua began to wail. Then he began gushing huge tears.

"Why? Why me? I'm too young to die!" he moaned, sobbing into Tahu's shoulder. Tahu scoffed.

"Not, if anything to say about it, I have!" he paused and looked down in disgust at his tear-stained armour. "And next time, watch the armour, mon!"

With that said, he used his Great Kanohi Mask of Levitation (Why he didn't use it sooner I don't know. And it looks like I never will.) and, well, err… levitated them back up. But, halfway up, there was a loud CRACK! And the almighty Author appeared!

The Author looked at Tahu in disgust and shook her head sadly. Tahu looked back in bewilderment.

"What?"

"Don't you know how to climb walls, you lazy sloth?"

"Err… no?" The Author slapped a hand against her forehead. She groaned despairingly.

"Why? Why me?" She let out a long and suffering sigh.

"Very well, then. I'll _teach_ you." And with that, she snapped her fingers and all of a sudden, Tahu started falling!

"WAAAAHHHHH!"

Cackling insanely, the Author vanished with a loud _CRACK_ as Tahu and Takua flailed their arms helplessly, screaming their heads off. Wailing desperately, Tahu waved his great, big, large, huge… gigantic… colossal… enormous… Llama swords… around dangerously.

"You great big dolt!" Takua yelped as one of the swords swung dangerously close to lopping his head off. "Watch where you're swinging that sorry excuse for a sword around!"

Tahu harrumphed; miffed by all the insults he'd received that day. Then, in sheer luck (or was it stupidity?), he swung his swords around again randomly and implanted his swords in the cliff next to them causing their fall to stop abruptly.

"Phew! Now, what was I supposed to say next?" wondered Tahu, who had, unsurprisingly, forgotten his next line. The director glared at him and he suddenly remembered.

"Oh yeah!" he exclaimed. "Err, so Takua. Does this, err… _stew_, _float_ enough?" he asked randomly. Takua stared at him like he was a weirdo… which, he was. Tahu coughed, embarrassed.

"Never mind," he muttered.

Then Takua looked up randomly. What he saw above them was a huge tidal wave! Of some completely random objects that randomly came to the Author's mind. Petrified, he yelled;

"Indignant!" he yelled randomly. Tahu stared at him, eyes wide.

"Wha-?" he managed to stutter. Takua reddened (which clashed _horribly_ with his magnificent blue mask).

"Err, ah… I mean… interpret?" Tahu blinked.

"Incoherent? Indolence? Incorporate? Incognito? Ah…" Takua rubbed the back of his neck thoughtfully.

"Incoming?" Tahu suggested helpfully. Takua snapped his fingers.

"That's the one! Incoming!" he yelled. The Toa looked up, but it was too late. Random objects rained down from the sky on them.

"Ouch!" Tahu yelled as a small stool hit his head. "Ah! Oof! Ick! Bah! Ack!" Objects rained down and hit the unfortunate Tahu, who, unfortunately, had not watched the weather forecast that day.

Takua, however, had watched it, only because he had been debating with Pewku about whether or not they should bring an umbrella. In the end, they did, because they watched the weather forecast.

Now Takua looked out at the raining objects nonchalantly, under the safety of his umbrella. He gave a low whistle.

"Wow. It's raining cats and dogs today," he observed thoughtfully. Tahu didn't pay any attention to him or his comment, seeing as he was unsuccessfully trying to shield himself from all the stuff hitting him.

Then a small can landed on Tahu's head. "Ow! Oh look! _There's_ my armour wax – OW!" he was cut off as a heavy guidebook hit him.

For the next few minutes, the unfortunate Toa and, err… fortunate Matoran waited for the rain of random objects pass, with Takua waiting under the safety of his bright pink umbrella (he had wanted to bring purple, but Pewku had chased him all around Ta-Koro angrily that morning until he had agreed to bring pink) and Tahu getting hit many times.

_Finally_, the flow of objects ceased, because the Author grew tired of laughing hysterically at the poor Toa and used her God-like powers to move the story along. Tahu sighed with relief and started the long climb up the steep cliff-face.

Takua looked up from reading a book called "_How to look your best when you're an idiotic Chronicler_" which, he found very informative (for idiots) and peered out from under his umbrella.

"Oh! Has it stopped raining now?" he asked, obviously ignorant of the past few minutes. The only response he got was Tahu huffing and panting already from climbing for one minute. He sniffed angrily, miffed at the non-responsive Toa.

"Fine, then. _Be_ that way!" he snapped waving his arms around dramatically for more effect… and promptly threw Pewku's favourite umbrella away. When he saw the umbrella sink under the surface of the orange lava, he broke out into sweat drops.

"Eh, hehehehehe…" he stuttered nervously. When Pewku found out what he had done to her favourite umbrella, she would kill him. Tahu guffawed at him, highly amused. Takua glared back angrily.

"Shut it!" he snapped.

Tahu pouted miserably as they climbed up the cliff.

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Author's Note: Well? How was that? You know how to let me know… unless your memory is as good as Takua's. 

Ta-ta now!


End file.
